It has been almost 3 months since I found the quote that inspired me to write a blog and start posting things. And yet, once again, it has become something I feel like I’m just failing at. As a Virgo, perfectionism courses through my veins. It’s exhausting, because at the same time, anxiety and depression control so many of my thoughts and being. I often end up in this weird paralyzed state where, since I know I can’t do something perfectly, why should I even start?

There are so many things I want to write about, to share. In hopes that maybe someone would be helped or benefit from something I’ve gone through. But the fear of judgement – ugh! It’s scary as hell. But WHY?? Why do I care so much?! Why do I give someone else this crazy, crippling amount of power, when in reality, they likely really don’t give a shit.

Honestly, I’ve started “this” post (AKA just the second one…) multiple times. It’s had different titles. I’m still not sold. I might change it before I save and publish it… does the font look right? Should I change it? Why am I writing this blog anyway? The only person I have told about this is my therapist. What if someone finds out it was me that wrote it? Do I really care?

For now – I’m a wife, mom, daughter, sister, aunt, great-aunt, friend, professional, leader, and mentor. I have high – sometimes unrealistic – expectations, mainly of myself, drink way too much Diet Coke, am obsessed with pens and stationery, and have terrible bad habits of playing with my hair and picking at my nails and cuticles. I have dealt with anxiety and depression for more than half of my life – at least 20 years that I can remember (when I actually can remember stuff!) – and have been going to therapy for almost 5 years now, consistently. I’ve learned a lot over those 5 years, and have decided that maybe writing about some of my experiences and reality will help me process through things, and maybe someone will find this along the way and it will help. <3